I have been hiding in all sorts of ways. Some of it good and some of it… well, I may need to look at that. It’s easy to put someone else under a microscope and see what’s going on (or what we think is going on) but taking inventory of yourself really requires you to step out and view your actions like you would any other person.
And that’s not always easy.
To break my week of written silence here, I thought it would be a good idea to let you know I’ve been hiding out and why it’s been so quiet here lately. From what I can tell there are five main reasons…
If you’re part of my little Facebook community, you’ll know that I’ve been prepping for an art fair that took place last weekend. It’s been exhausting, exciting, and all around invigorating. I dove head first into painting and boldly went to the fair with only items I have painted. That is a first for me. I have only done a few fairs but I have always taken stuff I’ve painted, crocheted, and crafted. It was overwhelm really. I simplified that by focusing only on what I love and the outcome had good results.
In this case, hiding out in my studio until the wee hours of the morning was a good thing. Quality family time around the dinner table and then submerge myself into the depths of my studio and my paintings. It was awesome. (Correction: It IS awesome. I’ve got a steady flow of commission pieces coming in.)
This game has caught on like wildfire in my house. My littlest is always trying to find new hiding places and I’ll admit, she is quite good. (Takes after her momma.) She has this ability to find a spot that *isn’t* so hidden and remains totally still so you walk right by her. Our family games haven’t been restricted to only this though… there’s been oodles of bike riding, ball kicking, hockey playing, football throwing and yoga in the kitchen.* We’ve just been enjoying life. No shame in that.
I’ve always been an avid reader (to the point of getting grounded from it once). I’m not one to read much fiction though. My collection boasts works from many writers who have something important to say about finance, business, massage, art, creativity, and other self-improvement type goodies. I recently picked up Seven Days in the Art World by Sarah Thornton. I find the book to be fascinating and educational about the art world but I’ve had difficulty with it. Her writing style isn’t something I read easily for some reason. It could be due to the hour I’m trying to read it and the struggle to stay awake. I’m not sure. It’s just been a challenge and I’m sticking it out. (Not a good reason to not be writing here but heaped with all the other reasons, you’ll cut me some slack, right?)
My little family has been settling in just nicely to our new area. We’re meeting lots of people and making new friends. It’s been interesting trying to figure out if what you’re seeing is someone’s personality or if it’s the fact that we live in a new place where people behave differently. In a way, I feel like I’ve been hiding myself and this is the one where I’m a little iffy about it. I don’t feel it’s a bad thing but I’m not sure it’s good.
I’ve been doing a lot of self-work recently and one of my flaws is sharing too much. It seems I’ve learned to reel it in. Admittedly, I wonder if I’m reserving myself too much and I’m giving off the wrong impression. I’m still navigating if I’m hiding myself with restraint or if I’m finally reserving a little bit of me. It’s in my nature to question my behavior but if I bring it back to what my body feels like as things are happening… right now, I feel OK. I just need to remind myself that things will unfold when they are meant to.
Yes. This blog. When I first created it, I didn’t use my name. I hid behind the title and my journey toward wholehearted living. I knew I would be sharing some personal stuff and for months I didn’t even tell my family or friends about it. The more I write the more comfortable I get with it. I’ve realized some of the stuff I’ve gone through and struggle with isn’t just my issue. Lots of people deal with them. As my comfort level got more.. well, comfortable, I’ve dropped the sheet, exposed my name and even shared this blog and Facebook page with family and friends. See? Not so scary.
The issue I’m having is I’m beginning to accept my love of painting and entertaining the idea of going after that dream.** This brings about the challenge of how to market myself. Working through personality traits and improving who I am as a person totally fits the scope of this blog. Painting does too, but I don’t know if it creates an additional hurdle for people to get to me, the artist.
It’s something I’ve been pondering more and more as painting projects gain momentum.
So there you have it… a few of the ways I’ve been hiding out. Most of it is absolute goodness but some of it falls on the “eh” spectrum. I’m working through it. Things are going swimmingly and my steady writing schedule has taken a detour. Hoping to get that back on track since I love writing as much as anything else. (Oh, the joys of being a multi-passionate person. Try to keep up and feel sorry for my husband, ok?)
*Post coming about that!
**It may not ever be a full-time gig, I still have my clients and other things going on that I don’t think I could be married to one profession. We’ll see.