I’ve been thinking a lot about the stories we carry around with us.
Some of these stories are self-created. They are beliefs we have about ourselves and they may not always be accurate. Other stories have attached themselves to us from someone else. Like a speck of mold was placed on us and it just grew from there. These also may not be accurate.
I first started thinking about our stories when Jo Ann submitted her guest post, “This Yogi is Not a Blogger.” At that point it was merely an inkling. Something that is noticed but not dipped into. Then I picked up the book, “Heart Medicine,” by Kate Bartolotta and it’s really driving the point home.
I realize I’ve been living with some stories that don’t serve me.
I suspect that these stories have an origination somewhere but I’m responsible for carrying them for so long. In some cases, I may even have used them in a This is What Makes Me Different sort of way.
For instance, I’ve always been a night owl. Throughout my life this has been an issue. Comments about how late I would sleep in the morning implied that I was lazy. When in actuality, I wasn’t sleeping too much. I was honoring my body’s natural rhythm. Later to sleep means later to wake. Being a late riser, weighed heavily on me. After all, the early bird gets the worm.
Now, I wear my Night Owl badge proudly but I’m wondering about the motivation behind it. Do I say this because I’ve accepted it? Or am I saying this because my inner rebellious teenager is finally making an appearance?
Lazy is a story I need to rewrite.
Along the same theme, being a stay-at-home-mom comes with a boatload of assumptions and is loaded with “lazy shame.” After having my first child, I realized pretty quickly how little questions could affect me. One in particular still drives me nuts. “Oh, so you just stay home?”
Actually, I’m a massage therapist, an equine sports massage therapist, an online marketing/social media wrangler, a painter + writer, photographer, logo creator, web designer*, soccer player, janitor, cook, maid, laundry service, taxi, household manager, bookkeeper, and whatever else needs doing. But yeah, I just stay home. Ass.
For the most part the assumption that stay-at-home-moms sit and eat Bon-Bons all day doesn’t bother me. But occasionally, it does. And when it does, it strikes fast and I’m usually caught off guard.
What I realize is it’s not coming from other people. Since the general opinion of society doesn’t change too much, how people respond to mothers who choose to stay home can vary. Some people have assumptions and some just don’t know how to respond. From what I can tell, the only difference is how I’m feeling about myself.
Being viewed as lazy is a huge shame trigger for me. Logically, I know I’m not lazy but the question, “am I doing enough?” niggles my mind from time to time.
My story is I’m a gap filler.
I’m fluid and flexible so I can be there as my family grows. This is important to me. The life I have is one of choice and partnership. Lazy is a story I need to rewrite. I am definitely not lazy.
What stories do you carry with you? Are they accurate?
*Not really. Just all my own sites.