I’m tying up loose ends, so I can put this topic to rest. From feeling lack of friendships, realizing my contribution, and honoring some ladies that have been there over the years, I have to add one more thing to make this change complete.
I’m taking myself out of the game.
No more passive-aggressiveness. No more skirting around topics. No more selective communication. It’s just wearing me down. I need to spend quality time with people who actually want to be part of my life. And want me in theirs.
I repeat. I’m taking myself out of the game.
Mostly, I’m choosing to remove myself from the “convenient friend bin.” This is not a revolving door, a person cannot choose to be nice one day and completely ignore me the next. I’m not disposable like that.
The absolutely cool thing about firing myself as a friend-option is it cancels all the guesswork.* Suddenly, it’s easier for everybody, because there are no expectations or hopes about something that obviously isn’t going to happen.
Many times, I’ve offered the advice, “if they wanted something with you or if they were going to change, it would have happened by now.” And it’s so true. I need to listen to that. Creating opportunities for trust and sharing to take place only works if both parties are equally involved. If it’s one-way, the scales are off-balance and the friendship is skewed.
By definition, friendship doesn’t exist without mutual respect and support.
So help me, I’m a fighter (and sometimes a little dense or hopeful – depending on how you see it). For me to finally distance myself, it’s because I gave a good, solid effort and there’s still nothing coming back, so I have to let it go. I don’t have space to sit around and wait for magic or a specific mood. I don’t have the energy for it either.
As I’ve mentioned before, it’s very possible some people don’t have room for more friends or maybe it’s just me they don’t like.
And I’m okay with that.
Even though some of my trusted friends don’t understand why, it has taken me a lot of time to come to terms with it. Not everyone enjoys each other’s company and I accept that.
I have to.
It’s the only way to move forward and nurture the relationships that are fulfilling and will honor everyone involved.
Update: Since writing this post I came across this quote by Meryl Streep. It is so dead on that my post seems like an afterthought. Not so, but apparently it’s a current theme going around.
*It’s possible I’m the only one guessing.
Photo credit: Creative Commons/Bliss_Priss