“We need to share with people who have earned the right to hear our story.” -Brené Brown
That quote triggered a complete “ah ha” moment for me. I trust and share with people that are not worthy of having it. I’m hopeful and lean into people who don’t deserve knowing my stories. And I try too hard with people who don’t make good friends.
Admittedly, this is not an easy “ah ha” to swallow.
Deep down I should have known though. Every time I open up to someone unsuitable I feel crummy after. It’s like what I am sharing isn’t important and what I am going through is mine alone. Like they leave me standing on the edge of a cliff.
For years, I have justified my behavior by the simple fact that it helps me figure out who I can trust. Over-sharing allows me to gauge what kind of friend they are. And I have experienced disappointment after disappointment. I now realize I put too much weight on people who I shouldn’t have been wasting time on to begin with.
I’m not dense but I keep getting subtly burned (always under the radar) and going back for more. It’s probable that I’m getting lured into the idea of wanting friendships with these people because of the friendships they display with other people. The thought process being that if they are a good friend to “Some Name Here,” they would be a good friend to me.
Not the case. Maybe they are stock full of friends or maybe they just don’t want me as a friend. Whatever the case, they are not friend material.
Logically, I know they would make poor friends and I keep trying to generate a relationship of some sort while (unintentionally) putting them in the driver’s seat. Yes, I have full control over myself. But I think it’s the mere feeling of wanting a friendship with them gives THEM the false impression of a power position.
Friendships don’t operate that way.
Awareness is key so I’m making changes. Going forward, my focus will be on lasting relationships with people who give as much energy to the relationship as I do. I’m going to tiptoe while waiting for that knowing feeling of someone worthy of hanging out with before opening up further.
You know, waiting for someone I can trust. Someone who is friend material. Someone who respects and cares enough to stand beside me on the edge of a cliff… or at least ask if I remembered the parachute.