Waiting for the dam to burst.

Oh man. It’s been kinda quiet around here lately and with good reason. I have multiple posts started but I have yet to complete one.  It’s just been so hectic:

  • We’re in the process of buying a house and per our normal timing, our car is crapping out. It should be expected really. It’s old and that’s how our luck goes.
  • I’ve had clients coming out of the woodwork – which is fantastic and sad at the same time. It’s completely awesome getting out there and doing this work but it’s sad because my time in the area is limited.
  • ID-10042091A few days ago one of my aunts passed away. It was sudden and unexpected. And I’m not ready to talk about it. I have another aunt who is fighting for her life under a blanket of cancer that has consumed her. And I’m not ready to talk about that either.

I’m trying my best to hold it together but I don’t think I’m fooling anyone when I breathe and say, “almost there.” I’m trying to remain composed but there’s a snag in the fabric and I may unravel soon. It’s just a lot going on. At the same time. In too many directions.

There’s a leak in the dam and I’m pushing to get out. I keep holding out for a big crack, a burst of water to let me through so we can move forward already. I know, in life we never reach the finish line but there’s so much I’m waiting for, so much that needs to happen – like yesterday.

“There’s so much I’m waiting for…”

It feels like our lives are on hold and I’m waiting for someone to press “play” again. I long for our old schedules and traditions. The activities we use to do, the play, the cuddles, the fun. The love. Sure, it’s all still here but it’s packaged into a box that fits neatly within the guidelines of our surroundings.

It’s time to spread out a little. No tiptoeing or apologies. We are entering the next chapter of our lives and with all the stress, excitement, relief, sadness, and the abundant emotions involved, I’m trying not to come apart at the seams.  Luckily, I’m not generally a crier but I have a feeling a good cry will be at the end of all this. It’s needed. And it will usually happen after everything blows over. So for now, I wait.

I’m waiting for the dam to burst. 

 

Photo credit: freedigitalphotos.net

2 thoughts on “Waiting for the dam to burst.

  1. topcat0701

    I agree that it’s perfectly all right to feel the was you do. There is so many parts of you life that demands your immediate attention and you are feeling overwhelmed. The sadness that comes to you through sickness and death needs to be processed and compartmentalized as well….but when? With your busy life there doesn’t seem to be time to cry and grieve.

    Life is full of challenges. But I have found that life is not about getting there, it’s about the journey. There will come a day when children will be grown and married with children of their own, finances will not be so tight and time will be on your side. The house will be clean (except when the grandchildren come…which…btw is one of the biggest highlights of your life), the laundry will be done, the bills will be paid and the house is quiet. You will still work and play but the manic pace is no longer there then you sit there some nights and say to yourself, “what do I do with myself tonight?”.

    Take a deep breath when you are feeling overwhelmed.and enjoy the memories you are making in the “story of your life”…….preferably with a glass of wine.

    • amber

      Absolutely. I’m aware it’s just the overwhelm of many things happening all at once and I know it won’t always be this way. I’ve been making sure to pay attention during those moments of quiet and time alone with the kids. It’s all about balance and right now I’m a little lop-sided. That won’t always be the case! Thanks for the reminder, time to cry and grieve definitely needs a place.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s