They will hang out (or be nice) only when it’s convenient or they need something. But not an inch beyond that.
They always hit you up for money for fundraisers but never donate to yours.
They expect certain behavior but never honor that “code of behavior” themselves.
You always get an invite to shopping parties via Facebook and yet they never associate with you on social media in any other way.
Ditto for any online conversations… they click “like” on everyone’s comments and skip right over yours.
Emails never get a response but you’re an ass if you don’t respond in a timely manner.
You know who I’m talking about. Chances are you have had someone in your life or maybe someone who USE to be in your life that behaves this way. They are people who put in effort to make you feel it’s a friendship but can’t seem to hide their smirk as they yank the rug out from under you. Half the time you want to believe the face they have on is real and the other half you’re wondering, “what the hell is their problem?”
Their problem is this: THEY ARE SELFISH.
Passive aggressive behavior gets under my skin like nothing else. It’s the verbal trickery, actions and words that fall “below the radar” so if you call them out, it’s turned around and you’re the one being oversensitive. That drives me batty.
Before you think I’m begging for friendships here, it’s clearly not my goal to join the “friendly” circle of people who behave this way. Frankly, if I needed a friend – they would be the last person I would go to. I mean who needs a mind-fuck on top of needing someone to talk to?
Well today is a new day, my friends. Wasting perfectly good energy on someone who clearly doesn’t reciprocate good manners or common decency isn’t worth your time. Really. Family or not.*
At the end of the day, you are responsible for your own happiness and if someone just makes you feel icky all the time, do yourself a favor and set some boundaries. Or remove them completely.
Erika Napoletano has a TedTalk where she discusses being true to yourself and very selective about who you let in your blanket fort. Our inner circle should have people in it that want the best for us, will go to bat for us, and can be just as honest with us as we are with them. It’s about surrounding yourself with the right people. And not apologizing for eliminating everyone else. Erika is my hero.
Blanket forts are like sacred ground. It doesn’t make any sense to invite someone in who’s just going to dump their garbage and leave. Or worse, someone who will show up, take everything you own (including the fort), and leave. They don’t care about how you feel or what you’re left with… again, it comes down to selfishness. And it’s about time we practiced some selfish-selfcare.
“Energy vampires” are everywhere. It’s your job to take out the trash and protect yourself from future abuse.
Have you ever had to set boundaries/eliminate someone like this? If so, how did you do it and do you have any regrets? If you haven’t, what’s holding you back?
*Sure we should try a teensy bit harder in family situations because let’s face it, these are people you’ll have to see on a regular basis. (And if you don’t… well, you might have a better relationship to show for it.)
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