I’ve recently made a decision that greatly affects my life. When people talk about leaping and taking a chance, they usually speak of going for your dreams or taking some sort of forward action.
What if that action feels like a step backward?
I’ve decided to close my office. That doesn’t strip me of my “licensed massage therapist” title but it feels like that. Part of me feels like a failure. I logically know that isn’t true. My business wasn’t dipping into my personal funds (which was my #1 goal for the place) but at the same time it was just floating. And I’m not in a position to have clients bursting through the door.
The “aha!” moment for me was when I got my daughter’s fall preschool schedule in. The plan was to build my business slowly and when she (my youngest) went to school full time I could open for some day hours. Good plan right? It seemed like it until I realized that she’s three. For you parents out there you know what that means.
No full days of school until she is five. That’s right in 2.5 YEARS.
There is no way I can hang on that long. I’m maxed out as it is and I’m not taking an income from my business. It’s new and I wanted to make sure it survived before I started paying myself. 2.5 years of no pay, cutting into moments with my young kids that I’ll never get back, countless thoughts and planning, just doesn’t add up.
Especially, when I could close the doors tomorrow and suddenly bring home money – in fact, double what was left over in the business account each month. Seems like a no brainer, right? Wrong.
This decision tore me up for weeks.
I went ’round in circles. The biggest problem was I could fight each side of the story to the ground. And be convincing. Not easy in the least.
Finally, the answer seemed obvious, no matter what my ego or pride or fears might be. Close the shop.
I will try to be brave as I dare to face the unknown.